I’M PREGNANT — my thoughts & feelings

04

May

Hello into the internet void, is anyone still there?

Ha! It’s been so long since I’ve written a blog post (I think my last one was January of this year) that I wonder if anyone is still listening. If not, I completely understand. It’s so annoying when someone you follow just disappears off the face of the Earth. So, I get it.

But, this time, I had a good reason. Hear me out, okay?

I’M PREGNANT. It’s wild. As of today, I’m 14 weeks along, officially in the second trimester, and still dealing with persistent intense nausea that keeps me in bed half the day. I’m actually currently writing this from the comfort of my pillow fortress.

It wasn’t a planned pregnancy, per se. It was more of an ‘oopsies can’t believe this happened a year or two earlier than we imagined’ experience. But, nevertheless, my husband, Matt, and I are beyond thrilled and cannot wait to enter life with a little one. I’m also more on the terrified side than Matt is but I’m sure I’ll figure it out as I go. Plan for the worst yet expect the best, right?

It feels incredibly surreal to see this small bump beginning to form. I keep telling my friends, “I can’t even suck it in! That’s how I know it’s real!”.

I’ve also transitioned from the “is it going to stick?” panic to the “holy cow, I have to actually push a human out of my vagina” panic.

I always imagined I’d be one of those pregnant ladies who effortlessly takes on the role. She drinks green juices every morning and eats a mostly plant-based diet. She does yoga daily and makes sure to get her meditation in. She’s poised and relaxed with 9 months to prepare for her life to shift.

I can now report that I am certainly not one of those pregnant ladies.

Far from it. I’m more like the person who wakes up from a 13-hour sleep ready for a nap. Who can only stomach brown food so lives on bagels and chicken tenders. Who can’t do anything more than a walk every other day because the thought of moving in any other way than up and down is nausea-inducing. Personal care, what even is that? I’m just trying to survive these days and come to the realization that parenthood begins the moment you get pregnant, and not when you deliver.

But, I do know one thing for sure. In the midst of my fear, and worry, and honestly agony over how my body is currently working, I am also reminded of the fact that all the magical moments in my life have happened when I stepped into the unknown and surrendered to what I thought I wanted to allow what was truly best for me. It was those times where I found true happiness and fulfillment.

So, now that I think about it, of course this would happen unexpectedly as well. Of course my most life-changing experience would be unplanned, because that’s when the real magic happens for me.

And I have a feeling this is going to be a magic I could have never dreamed of.

We’ve got a little one coming this October. What an adventure it’s going to be.

Always,

Personal

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I’M PREGNANT — my thoughts & feelings

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